Sex, Sex & More Sex in Marriage
Sex, Sex & More Sex in Marriage. How’s that for a title to a blog post? I am a “red-blooded” American man who enjoys sex. In fact, I enjoy it quite a bit. Lately, however, I’ve wondered whether sex has been blown a bit out of proportion.
It’s becoming increasingly difficult to live in today’s world without being bombarded by sex. It’s everywhere. Open a magazine and count the number of sexually suggestive images you see. You’ll find them, not only in articles about sex, relationships, dating and such, but also in advertisements for everything from high fashion to vacuum cleaners. Turn on a radio and count the seconds until the DJ offers some sexual innuendo or plays a song with overt sexual references. Turn on a television (almost any channel) or search the web (almost any search) and you’ll quickly find your way to attractive people doing sexually suggestive things. Perhaps more so than any other time in our history, sex assails us. Sex sells.
How does this sexual onslaught impact marriage and family law? Who knows? I have more family law clients coming in with issues with relating to sex. Of course adultery is a common issue for every divorce lawyer, but more and more I get questions like:
“How often should I be having sex?”
“Can anything be done if sex with my spouse isn’t good?”
“What if my spouse wants unusual or uncomfortable sex?”
In my experience as a divorce lawyer and after meeting with many, many unhappy spouses, here are two takeaways relating to sex:
1) Neither marriage nor sex is what you see on television. It’s a simple, but important point. Don’t compare your marriage or your sex life to what you see on television or read about in magazines. With due respect, you’re not as good-looking, wealthy or well-adjusted as the fictional characters of your favorite show. Surprise: the actors are acting. They get paid to work out and they wear lots of make-up. The things they say are perfect because both sides of their conversations are scripted. The sex they are pretending to have is marvelous and yours would be too if a 20-person crew worked for hours to get the lighting, candles, breeze, music, rose-petals and camera angles just right. They also do multiple takes and a lot of editing. Your marriage isn’t broken if you’re not having “movie-star” sex.
2) Sex is pleasurable, but so are many other things. How about your favorite home-cooked meal coupled with your favorite drink? How about making a bunch of money? There is pleasure in coming home to a clean house, having a good conversation, and just being with someone who knows you really, really well. There is pleasure in working out, challenging yourself at work and/or accomplishing things with your children. Give appropriate weight to all of the things that make you happy. Too often divorce clients come in focused only on sex; they are too eager to cast off their marriage for the prospect of mind-altering sex every night. Trading all of the comforts and benefits of your current marriage for a more agile sex partner may not be a trade you want to make.
If you’ve got questions about the information above, please feel free to drop me a line. Jason A. Weis, Esquire – Curran Moher Weis P.C. – firstname.lastname@example.org – 10300 Eaton Place, Suite 520, Fairfax, VA 22030 – 571-328-5020.