A recent New York Times article reconfirmed the findings of a 1998 study suggesting that when it comes to choosing a mate, people tend to gravitate toward a partner with spending habits opposite from their own. Researchers who analyzed several studies in which married couples were asked to describe their feelings about spending found that the more of a spendthrift or tightwad a spouse was, the more likely he or she was to have married someone with the opposite approach. That is, “tightwads,” who generally spend less than they would ideally like to spend, and “spendthrifts,” who generally spend more than they would ideally like to spend, tend to marry each other. This is consistent with the notion that adults are attracted to mates who possess characteristics dissimilar to those they deplore in themselves. Put more simply: each spouse hopes the other will balance out his/her spending habits. Alas, these findings were coupled with findings that these “financial opposites attract marriages” also result in conflict and little long term satisfaction.
If you would like to discuss marital waste and how it might relate to your pending separation, feel free to drop me a line.
Of the four fault-based grounds for divorce, adultery garners by far the most attention. Making the decision to pursue adultery as a grounds for divorce can be complicated for a number of reasons. This posting is not my attempt to flush out those considerations. Rather, it is my aim to examine methods used by attorneys for proving adultery in Virginia divorce, so you might better understand the relative merits of your claim.
If you don’t already know, adultery involves one spouse voluntarily having sexual intercourse with another person who is not his or her spouse. Along with adultery, sodomy (i.e. oral or anal sex with a person of the same sex, opposite sex or animal) and buggery (i.e. bestiality) are also fault-based grounds within this general category of fault. See Virginia Code Annotated Sec. 20-91(1). Adultery is also a Class 4 misdemeanor in Virginia. See Virginia Code Annotated Sec. 18.2-365. As a practical matter, this means that an adulterer and his or her significant other have a constitutional right under the Fifth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution to refuse to testify about their illegal acts.
Unsurprisingly, knowing adultery has occurred and persuasively proving it to a Virginia Circuit Court judge are two very different things. Proving Adultery in Virginia Divorce requires “clear and convincing” evidence. While that standard is lower than the classic “beyond a reasonable doubt” criminal standard, it is as high a standard as is available in a civil courtroom. In the face of both the Fifth Amendment denials and the high “clear and convincing” standard – and often without any direct evidence of adultery – successfully demonstrating what you believe has occurred may seem daunting. How do you demonstrate for a judge that your spouse has committed adultery? The answer: circumstantial evidence.
Individually, e-mails, phone calls and expenses may not suffice, but together you can use them to persuasively tell a “common sense story” of the illicit relationship. For example, e-mails may illustrate the early stages of a relationship, record day-to-day contact and certain activities a boyfriend and girlfriend might do together. Phone records showing frequent phone calls may further confirm the improper relationship and reflect calling patterns closer to what one might expect from a boyfriend/girlfriend. Charge account statements confirm the relationship still further by recording activities and supporting the notion that expenses incurred were consistent with traditional courting behavior. Circumstantial evidence of this sort, coupled with limited direct evidence (e.g. private investigator’s reports and pictures) and an adulterer’s less than credible attempts to rationalize the evidence, may suffice to demonstrate wrongdoing.
If you have questions about your adultery claim, feel free to drop me a line.
Many individuals in Northern Virginia contemplating a contested divorce have never participated in a deposition. Their experience is limited to what they have seen on television and their level of anxiety leading up to a deposition may vary depending upon the legal dramas in which they indulge. Seasoned attorneys recognize that depositions – and the stress associated with them – create client decision points; attorneys understand clients are reticent to participate in depositions and anticipate clients will take action to simply avoid an unpleasant experience.
While depositions may never be truly pleasant, they need not be traumatic. Below, I have compiled a list of Virginia Divorce Deposition Tips, which I hope will help you successfully navigate your next deposition.
1. Tell the Truth.
2. Understand each question before you answer it. If you do not understand the question, ask for clarification.
3. Think before you speak. Take all the time you need.
4. If you need to take a break, ask for one.
5. Answer only the question asked. Do not volunteer information. Do not assist opposing counsel. Resist the urge to explain or justify.
6. Do not guess or speculate. If you do not know the answer to a question, say: “I do not know.”
7. Do not answer “yes” or “no” to a question that does not have a “yes” or “no” answer. Say that the question cannot be answered “yes or no” and then give your best answer.
8. Do not argue with opposing counsel. Be polite. If you get angry, ask to take a break.
9. Answer in your own words. Do not allow opposing counsel to put words in your mouth.
a. If opposing counsel misquotes you, call the error to counsel’s attention.
b. If the question assumes an untrue fact (e.g. “When did you stop beating your wife?”), state your disagreement with the assumption.
c. Be careful in answering questions that begin: “Would it be fair to say that…” Instead of saying “yes” or “no,” rephrase the question fairly and answer in your own words.
10. No humor or sarcasm.
11. Base your answer on first-hand knowledge, unless the question requests information you learned from other sources.
12. If your answer to a question is not based on first-hand knowledge, state the source of your answer. Otherwise, people may assume that your answer was based on first-hand knowledge.
13. Be prepared to answer questions about the facts alleged or denied in any pleadings filed on your behalf.
14. Don’t bring any documents to the deposition unless your attorney asks you to do so.
15. Answer each question unless your attorney instructs you not to do so. If your attorney instructs you not to answer a question, do not answer the question.
16. Exercise your right to review and sign the deposition.
If you have any questions about contested divorce depositions, feel free to contact me.
If you and your spouse are considering divorce, you are probably already aware of Virginia’s requirement that you separate for 6 or 12 months, depending on your circumstances. Maintaining separate households during this mandatory separation period can be a serious strain on your budget. In my practice, I am seeing a significant rise in “in-house separations” – living together during separation.
Some time ago, the Commonwealth recognized the economic difficulties inherent in maintaining two separate households on an income previously budgeted for one. For couples contemplating divorce, making an additional rent or mortgage payment for the required six or twelve months of separation was all but impossible; couples, who wanted and needed to live separately, simply could not afford to do so.
Enter “In-House Separation.”
“In-house separations” have become more prevalent, in my practice, as couples attempt to tightly manage their out flow of divorce-related expenses. Such separations, however, require more than one spouse merely moving into the spare bedroom.
How to Establish In-House Separation?
Couples considering an in-house separation must strive to establish a second household under a single roof. Below is a checklist of factors a court might consider when determining whether a separate household has been established. Though no single factor is determinative (save perhaps sexual intimacy), couples should strive to meet as many as possible.
Checklist For Establishing In-House Separation In Virginia:
It is important to note that like traditional physical separations, in-house separations require corroboration (you need a third-party witness to verify the separation). In many jurisdictions the success of an in-house separation depends entirely upon the level of corroboration presented to the court. A relative, nanny, friend or domestic helper who is present in the home several times a week for several hours at a time may prove necessary to confirm that a second household has in fact been established.
If you’ve got questions about the information above, please feel free to drop me a line. Jason A. Weis, Esquire – Curran Moher Weis P.C. – firstname.lastname@example.org – 10300 Eaton Place, Suite 520, Fairfax, VA 22030 – 571-328-5020.
My experience and background reflect the hallmarks of success one must demand of a lawyer in Northern Virginia's legal landscape. As a native of this area, I have here focused my practice on providing sound and balanced representation to clients navigating the difficult legal waters of family law, including contested divorce, custody, visitation, spousal and child support, and equitable distribution. More >>>
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Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I hope you find the information here as enjoyable to read as I find to write. Please note that reading this blog does not create a legal relationship between you and Jason A. Weis, Esquire or any other attorney associated with familylawva.com. Moreover, all postings on this blog are merely attorneys' commentary on the state of family law in the Commonwealth of Virginia. THE POSTINGS ARE NOT LEGAL ADVICE – if you have a legal issue or question, I strongly encourage you to contact a lawyer. I would be pleased to refer you to someone if I am able.